Note: this story involves a whole bunch of editorializing. If you’re looking for facts only, please see the link here.

In its continuing laser-like focus on schools staying open in-person 180 days, the School Administration or, if you’re looking for a euphemism, “Case House” (like the White House only reddish brown and re-decorated only every third decade) issued yesterday new event guidance for all activities taking place outside of school hours in school building facilities or property. The Owl does not know on what data they are basing the new guidelines, but both CDC and Weston Board of Health “recommendations” are mentioned. It’s Friday, the weather is nice, and I have zero intention of spending time on research.

While trying hard to keep my editorializing to a minimum on this sure-to-be controversial topic, I must say…well, never mind. I will say that I am happy to discuss this over a Weston Bistro coffee. My major comment is: this looks like a nightmare to execute. Here’s a snapshot of the Indoor Event section:

Attendance forms… Guest names checked at entrance to events…vaccination proof…negative COVID tests. And my favorite: “Please limit shouting, singing, or cheering to reduce release of aerosol droplets.” Do not at any time cheer on athletes or performers. They are grateful just to be performing, I suppose.

Also, the Owl will investigate at some future time this “All homemade goods, for outdoor events, must be individually wrapped and products cleared by the Director of Health Services, and Building Administrator.” In particular, the overusage of commas will be investigated. Seriously, is this a food allergy thing? Or is this a Covid thing? I was not aware Covid could be passed on by chocolate chip cookie or cake. No cake. If you have had one made up to celebrate the end of fall sports season, you must drop it off at the Owl’s house immediatley where I will cut in up into pieces and individually wrap them into my mouth. I love cake.

The two-page memo also includes a section on the Building Use Application Process. My favorite line from that one: “Any event occurring on building grounds without prior approval will be promptly terminated on site.” What exactly are building grounds? Does this include the picnic tables by the fishing lake? If the soccer team gathers for an impromptu pickup soccer game, do they need approval? Will them be terminated? Who does one ask all this important questions? Not a single contact phone number over at Case House. There’s an application process listed–and please fill in the form two weeks in advance. I assume that the form will be updated shortly as Tess Souza has left the building.

The Owl appreciates all the time that the School Administration…the Case House…puts into making our schools run effectively and in person. I am not sure all of this policing is incredibly effective or particularly motivating for our youngsters, but that is entirely an Owl opinion, and not based on data, which I am sure the Case House used in coming up with these plans. In the mean time, I am assured that I will not need to attend a single theatre, musical or indoor sport event this year as I won’t be on the guest list.

Go ‘cats (she whispers quietly inside).