Town Hall Announces New Online News Source Starting in May


After almost two years of news “desert” following the demise of the Town Crier, Weston town administrators have sprung into belated action to create an online media source tentatively named Wired Weston. The Owl does not want to be the first to mention that if they anagram that, it’s going to be Weird Weston. Almost Weird Newts. Someone tell them. Not me.

From the e-mail received this morning. it seems that Wired Weston will be written entirely by artificial intelligence, which is a nice change from the Owl’s biased reporting. According to Leon Gaumond, town manager, Weston will be the first town in the country to provide news entirely by AI.

“I didn’t want to jump the gun before this week’s AI workshop, but it turns out that Weston High School’s Dr. Korsunsky, in addition to being a mad-smart physicist, has figured out how to feed key issues and upcoming events into some kind of AI black box and get actual believable news to come out the other end,” effused Mr. Gaumond.

Wired Weston will be published once a week and will self-erase after the resident has perused it.

“We definitely think it’s best when residents can’t go back to old issues and dredge up old arguments,” said Weston’s public information officer who requested her name not be used. “I mean, look what happened when people were able to see all the silly comments made about the rail trail in a town meeting in 1997. That’s just embarrassing.”

When asked how exactly Weston’s news will be reported accurately by AI, the answers got a bit murky.

“Okay, so here’s what we do to write an article on say, the upcoming Wetlands Bylaw. You feed in the main words like “vernal pools”, “amphibians” and “wetlands protection” as the basis of the article. Then you get pros and cons from liberal and conservative sides and feed it in the AI… like “save the froggies” or “we are all going to die soon if we don’t fix the planet” and then some from the other side like “another by-law over my dead body” and “screw the salamanders.” It’s kind of amazing what comes out as the actual news article,” said tech guru Art Fishal. “No one can tell it’s AI.”

Wired Weston is looking for a launch date somewhere around May 1, the month anniversary of April Fool’s Day.

And if it’s not already clear, the Weston Owl is not an objective news source and believes deeply in celebrating April Fool’s Day. Also, this was not written by AI. Much.


  • Joan Marion Parrish

    Loved today’s Owl. Laughed and Laughed
    Thank you!

  • Excellent, loved it! Had forgotten what day it was until I read it!

  • Isabella Podgorski Jancourtz

    When I saw the headline, it felt like an answer to a prayer, and I said “Thank God” to myself, as I have dearly missed the Weston Town Crier, and mourned the damage done to our community and our local democracy by its absence in town.
    But after reading the details, Wired Weston feels like an experiment with some truly diabolical elements, like using artificial intelligence instead of human beings to tell us what’s happening, and “self erasing” any trace of our local.history reported in is pages.
    Weston High School is full of wonderful students who could put a real newspaper together, using their own intelligence and skills, like investigating, reporting, writing and photography, to enhance our community and possibly create meaningful employment opportunities for themselves in the future. All they need is a dedicated advisor.
    I encourage WHS and Dr. Korsunsky to reconsider this venture and change course immediately.

    • Hi Isabella. The Weston Owl believes in April Fool’s Day (today, April 1) as a national holiday. The entire post was a joke. But since you commented seriously, let me answer seriously. First, Leon Gaumond and Dr. K have a great sense of humor and their part in this is completely imaginary. We cannot and will not erase history, not while I have the Owl. WHS journalism students do not have time to take on town news–I know this as I have one Owlet as an Opinions Editor and there is simply not time. They produce Wildcat Tracks on an almost monthly basis though the online version is frequently slower to be released than the newspaper, in a surprising change from national news. Mrs Lemons is the HS advisor as well as the head of the English department. She would not have time or budget or resources to take this on (carefully watch the school budget wars for more info there). Also It is not for us adults to put on these kids our lack of town newspaper–it is of our own creation by not supporting local media. No subscriptions and no advertising = no town newspaper. On the bright side, this week on Tuesday there is a meeting between interested parties on starting a town media site. No Dr. K, but yes, Leon and the Owl are involved. Now wait while budget is discussed …maybe we will find some grants or angel investors. So please know this story of Wired Weston was the Owl’s annual April Fool’s joke–following the fire dog in 2021 and McDonald’s in the JST in 2022. Have a great day!

  • OMG, this is awesome!! LOL You are the best!!!

  • History isn’t history. It ceases to exist if you can’t go back and read, review, refer to, consider and reconsider and comment on it. Pretty useless in that case.

  • Loved this post, really funny. Also on a more serious note thanks for the callback to 1997 and the rail trail vote. I spoke in favor of it then and was so sad when it was defeated. Feel good about being on the right side of history. Keep writing you are so talented!

  • Loved today’s post. Really funny. On a more serious note liked the call back to 1997 and the bike path vote. I spoke for the bike path then and was so sad when it was voted down. Nice to feel on the right side of history.

  • You had me going!! My jaw was in my lap. Thanks for the giggle!

  • too bad it’s an ‘April Fool’s”…

  • Isabella Podgorski Jancourtz

    Thanks, Kristen. So glad this was an April Fool’s Joke. You got me, that’s for sure.
    And best of luck with getting a real town newspaper together!

  • I was wondering what the AI algorithm would be to decide what would be considered news!

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